Maybe it's the procrastinating student within me but, I feel the need to document my "wishes" for my birthday. Normally, I'm not too materialistic and want what most want. Enough food to feed my cats, enough money to pay the bills and peace an happiness for my loved ones. This year I totally want stuff. I've had a couple months of fruitless frugality to dream about all the things I would buy if my boyfriend wasn't helping me pay my bills, so here goes:

1.) It wouldn't be a wishlist without something that was completely impossible. Having said that I would like some sort of Indian Summer for Super Bowl Sunday otherwise known as my Birthday.  I really want there to be zero remnants of precipitation on the ground and for it to be warm enough for me to dress somewhere inbetween elegant and slutty.  I really want to wear cute shoes on February 6th.

2.) A lack of internet connection at my home and a compulsion to watch high quality narratives by premium cable channels has resulted in my laptop hard drive being completely full and a hefty fine at Fambly Video. I want an external hard drive portable enough to bring to coffee shops so I may continue to watch back episodes of Big Love and Californication.

 
3.) My current tennis shoes are shaped like seasoned curlies from Arby's.  I think it is because I like to dance everywhere I go and the ball of the sole is paper-thin.  Doesn't really matter how it happened, I got these shoes about halfway through my tenure at Vito's, so it is time to get another pair of athletic shoes. Problem is I am broke.

PUMA Women's Speeder RP Sneaker - DSW

4.) I've been really kinda grossed out by my lack of style in the past few months.  I go to the mall and see people walking around that look like well, cracked out Jonas brothers.  I don't understand it, but I am dealthy afraid of becoming one of those 45 year old women who walk around with crazy 80's hair and ever crazier faded black tapered jeans.  Hold the phone, I think those awful trends are exactly what H&M had in their window display last week.  SEE? I don't get it.  I need a makeover and the best way to describe what I want to look like was described terribly well by the good man at Stuff White People Like.
"Gift card to Anthropologie. You might have walked past it a few times at your local mall and wondered how they crammed the interior of a late-nineteenth century barn into a shopping center that was built in 2005. It is the store equivalent of a Wes Anderson film, which certainly helps to explain its appeal, but it is also the most efficient way for white women to look and (hopefully) live like Amélie." http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2010/12/15/six-gifts-to-guarantee-a-white-christmas/

5.) I've been cutting my hair again! I look a little like a a retarded elf 30 year old trying to look like I'm 15 again.  I've gotten a ton of compliments on it, but I worry that it's only out of pity as a REAL friend of mine suggested that I look like I work at a funky hair salon and am trying too hard to look funky.  I really just want to look like Winona Ryder, but my hair is too poofy so I opt for Shannyn Sossamon from that Bret Easton Ellis movie.  I need a Haircut. 



6.) My face sucks. I hate my skin and I have bags under my eyes.  I'm getting older and my face will not let me forget it.  I have finally figured out a facepainting technique that just today made my dance teacher guess that I'm turning 23 again. For the last month I've been scraping the bottom of the barrel and squeezing the marrow out of the tubes I use to clog my pores daily. I am poor and I need more makeup.



7.) Finally, as if getting old weren't bad enough, each year we as American Citizens need to pay a getting old tax known as license plate stickers.   The price of these things have pushed me dangerously close to hating stickers altogether.  I cannot afford them and it is the worst part of aging, even worse than incontinence (You only go incontinient once).

I think that about wraps it up for this year's list.  I appreciate you taking the time to read this lame excuse to complain about my financial situation.

P.S.  I think I've become so socially inept that I enjoy talking to strangers.  I think I finally understand why my sister made friends with the Jehovah's Witnesses when she first moved to Buffalo. 

Also, I'm thinking about going to bed right now.  I'm not tired, but I have nothing else to look forward to today.  I have a ton of math, A paper due in Ecology, and a paper due in Philosophy.  This isn't normal right?

I want to kill myself right now because My head is pounding the sun is in my eyes, and I cannot properly add fractions. WHAT THE HELL??????????????

This is a video of my friend's kid "reading" The Very Hungry Caterpillar. It made my ovaries swell!

I pretty much made it to my weight goal today.  A little earlier than expected but not a big deal.  I'm basically going to keep this up for a little while longer and then maintain. 

I am at my pre-pizza parlor weight and I'm elated. I'm 134, healthy and proud of it.  I wouldn't mind ditching another 4 pounds to get to the round number of 130, but I'm not gonna kill myself getting there.

I ate my normal balance breakfast and lunch went to my two dance classes and then finished the day off with tiger bakery and I and feelin' great. 

Also I went to a different Beaners yesterday and was REALLY productive, I guess every once in a while I have to go somewhere else.  Time to get back to my quadratic formula.

I've been tracking my nutrition on my nutrition tracking website now.  I'm pretty happy with what I've done.  My cheeseburger day would have been fine had my Mexican cousins didn't invite me out drinking that night. 19% of my caloric intake that night was the booze(Yeah the website even has fun graphs for stuff like that). 

I had one serving of Bloomin' Onion which for those of you who are interested is not half, nor is it a quarter, or even a third, it's 1/6th.  Jonathan and I tried to eat as much of it as we could but we are so not used to eating grease that we think we may have polished off about a quarter of it COMBINED. 

I had a burger with cheese but ended up not eating the bun because it was so bloody...mmmmm. I also got mixed veggies with no butter.  So even though I was pigging out, I was still trying to eat a more balanced meal than I would have if I hadn't been eating well all week.

okay that's all I got time for.

sugar cookie-120
apple-100
carrots-don't count
75% of a white pita-120
hummus-150
yogurt-100

500 calories and I'm still starving, something is wrong today, I think that I may not have eaten enough yesterday.

[edit]
apple juice-110
Jimmy John's sammich-575 I got a veggie with no cheese on the higher calorie but also higher fiber wheat bread.(next step no mayo)
Ooo if I really wanted to be sweet I could have gotten let, tom, sprouts, cumcumber, turkey and dijon mustard with the wheat bread for 432 cal. I'll remember that next time I go to jimmy john's

sugarfree soy latte-138
yogurt-60
hummus-150
carrots-don't count
whole grain wrap(ate about 75% of it)-75
Tuna-110
Sugarfree soy latte-138

dinner brown rice sushi-???doesn't matter?
On top of this I danced REALLY hard for about 3 hours today. my body aches and I totally rule.
[edit] estimation of calories in sushi...
spicy shrimp-163
california-140
phili roll-234
so 1208 calories for the day, with the amount of exercise I did, may have been too little. I'll eat more  on Wednesday.
using an activity calculator of calories my body burned today it should have been around 2,819 That's good!

and I thought maybe I could find a better beverage at beaners
I think an iced soy latte with sugar free hazelnut syrup will be better 
calorie count for that coffee= 138 calories that's half the calorie content my favorite beverage has!! I'll do that tomorrow. yea!

the day before yesterday I had kashi cereal and soy milk, tiger bakery and some pizza that was whole wheat dough with no sauce but a small amount of olive oil, tomato, mushroom, black olives and spinach.  so I didn't count anything but I had some good meals.

Yesterday I finished eating that pizza. and I couldn't even bother to eat well, I had taco bell. it was good too.  I'm a human and I'm allowed to eat what I want.

Today
cliff bar- 240
yogurt-60
carrots-don't count
hummus-150
half a whole wheat pita-80
tuna with a tiny bit of mayo-110

I am ready for dinner but I'm stuck at school. I kinda want a burger...uhhhohhhh.

Not a big deal though I'm not trying to lose weight I'm just trying to be healthy, if I make the decision to eat something gross it will only slow down any weight loss that happens, and make me feel less good, so I wigh those options and make a good decision after that.

It's easier to eat right if I think through everything and avoid trying to limit myself.
I kinda want a cookie too...max and ermas....mmmmm

[edit] chipotle & beaners
Beans-120
Mild Salsa-20
Guacamole-150
Rice-130
Corn Salsa-80

Coffee-278

grande total= 1,418 calories consumed
calories burned= 2,544
That's pretty good, I didn't burn too much and I ate enough.

Honestly it's not just about how many calories it's also about the amount of protein and fiber and vitamins. I feel good, better than yesterday anyways.

1,275 at 8pm

cereal with lowfat milk-310
yogurt-60
carrots-don't count
hummus-150
half a pita-80
campbells low fat orzo vegetable soup-80
claim jumper meal with pene chicken shrimp and veggies 485
apple juice-110

no pizza, but tomorrow Greg is gonna bring whole wheat dough and we are gonna make a health conscious pizza.  I think I can allow this.

Class got out early I'm eating lunch over at Cory's while her husbear redoes the pack porch.  Out of shear curiosity I added up the calorie content of my breakfast and lunch so far today, and I'm at 590. 

I had a whole wheat bagel with an ounce of light cream cheese for breakfast.
a Caesar salad with 2/3 of the light dressing it came with and I added alfalfa sprouts to it.
a light yogurt.

I also have packed a half a wheat pita pocket, a "to go" hummus cup, some carrot sticks and if I really need it later a cliff bar(but since my other dance class got canceled I don't think I will.)

Yea food!

[edit] I ate thai food for dinner and it was delicious.

I have had 1,388 calories today.
I anticipate at least another 500...
hmmm what's it to be?
I kinda want kibbie and hummus. 
or tuna, there is always tuna.

Can't go to Misscue tonight, my eating of non-overprocessed foods(with the exception of wine beer and coffee beverages) has been compromised anytime I go there.

Without working out more than I already do, (which is about 7 hours of aerobic exercise a week) and just choosing fresh whole foods in many many small increments,over fried foods with lots of preservatives, I have remained full and lost 7 pounds in the last 3 weeks.

Seriously the only thing I've had to do is package small (toddler type snacks) of fresh veggies,yogurt(organic) tuna, whole grain pita and small amounts of hummus, for daytime mini meals.  Then in the evening, eat a Chipotle burrito(no meat or dairy),a sammich from panera(on the worst end of the scale of what I've been eating), brown rice sushi with tuna, these are my decadent meals full of delicious calories that I deserve as long as I eat 3 hours or more before bedtime.  Basically the goal has been to easily identify the ingredients in my food without inconviencing my "go, go" lifestyle too much.

It has worked, the meals I eat at the end of the day are satisfying and I usually don't finish them.  On days like today when I didn't plan well and all I was able to eat before school was a bowl of Kashi cereal with lowfat milk(organic) I was starving(as I KNEW I would be).  I ate an entire burrito from Chipotle, which isn't the best I've done but, I'm not beating mysellf up about it. My plan for the rest of the evening is to eat a small healthy snack-like meal before I get hungry again and my night-time craving for starchy fried fluff hits. 

This works for me.  My motivation for this (hopefully lifestyle change) is multi-pronged. Initially it started with being seriously ill and not eating for 2 days. Then I started thinking...

1.) Jonathan and I are both Junk food junkies about half the time but are commited to healthy food the rest of the time. 
2.) My pal Heather gets literally ill if she ingests greasy foods.  I've been like that about McDonalds for years but I wanted that illness to start happening more frequently in myself to motivate me to not eat gross stuff.
3.) Cory has been on a healthy eating kick lately and we are very good at cheering each other on to avoid annorexia and just be healthy.
4.) Eating better has given me more energy, I've been less depressed, I feel lighter on my feet in dance class, and my digestive system has been better than ever before!
5.) Bikini season is comming up.(vanity is a little of it I have a small weightloss goal but I'm not holding myself to it.)

*6.) Another portion of the support system that I have set up for myself is Jamie Oliver.  A celebrity chef who is dedicated to fight obesity by fighting processed foods.  His television appearances have assisted in keeping my motivation high.

This sounds retarded but, I've ever only had one BIG ideal that I would like to fight for is Childhood obesitiy.  I think a society full of fat kids through no fault of their own is the root of everything that is terrible in this country.  I grew up with a mom that didn't have the time, energy,  skills, or the resources to prepare healthy food and get me hooked on fresh veggies and fruits.  This I think directly contributes to my "salt/carb tooth."  I have grown to appreciate fresh food but it is an every day struggle to not eat an entire bag of doritos with chicken wings drenched in ranch dressing.  I feel that if my mother knew how to prevent this she would have.  I don't blame her, but I'd like to break this cycle in my family.  My friend Cory(who is a working mother) has successfully hooked her kid on healthy things(sure he loves the occasional chocolate and is less enthusiastic about eating meat than his parents) but he is eager to try new things and routinely enjoys veggies that most kids cringe at.  I want to do my best to be a mom like this.  I believe the first step is to acclimate myself to eating well, so that by the time I am ready to mother children it will be second nature to feed my child in a similar fashion.

Trying to choose moderate amounts of unhealthy foods occasionally, and a majority of fresh and self prepared meals when possible is my first step to being a good mom someday. (and to a lesser extent, looks sweet in a bikini).

This food makeover has been coupled with a strict dedication to sleeping ontime and waking early.  I've only failed at this a couple times in the last 3 weeks and as I'm sure all my friends know is a feat because I have been historically an alcoholic night owl.  I have been feeling better managing my time better and less anxious. 

I think my last phase of this transformation is to find a way to deal with delivering pizzas to schools and not feeling like the harbinger of evil.  (also my struggle against going off pizza cold turkey may be my hardest challenge I have yet to fully achive.)  The first weekend, I had a calzone type sub with 2/3 less meat and cheese as normally on it and twice the veggies, I count this as a failer.  The next week, on two separate occasions I ate a small slice of pizza.  I'm not giving up though, If I want anything from the pizza place this week it will be a salad with no dressing.  I can do it!

Spiringer final thought, fat kids aren't funny they are tragic.  I want to do my best to set a good example of a healthy person who makes good choices in order to have a happier life.

Sooo, list of things Amerrrrican's like:

Cars
Apple Pie
Baseball
Capitalism
Rock n Roll

List of things I like:
Public Transit
Dirt Pie
Hockey
Socialism
Rock n Roll

I just don't feel like I quite fit in here.  How am I just now noticing this?

I haven't shaved my armpits in 4 days due to sleeping at Jonathan's.  Today I couldn't wait and I ran out of hot water before I got a chance. I feel gross.

Don't watch the video just listen.

I've watched a couple of movies on Netflix this week...

Rachel Getting Married,
Anne Hathaway plays a self-centered just out of rehab sister of the bride. I couldn't tell you what posessed me to watch this movie, maybe the same thing that got me to watch Confessions of a Shopaholic, but the results were infinitely better. It's not the bet movie and the main character is really unlikeable but I enjoyed the film style and it gave me a sense of the fairy tale wedding I'm never gonna have which was pretty sweet. The multi-cultural cast of wedding guests made it really fun and I know that I realistically only have a couple black and mexican people in my life I do not have a rainbow of brooklyn artists and musician friends.

Good Dick,
This movie was kind of disturbing and I liked it. An agoraphobic soft core porn enthusiast gets a stalker in the strange homeless video store clerk. Can't say why I liked it except it showed a portion of my life that I love. Soft core adoration.

Bart Got a Room,
Some kid needs a date to prom and doesn't want to take his bookish childhood best friend. Hilarity ensues. I give it a B+. It's not an A because it didn't have much deep awesomeness, but it was still pretty good.

World's Greatest Dad,
Robin Williams plays the Dad of a douchebag 15 year old boy. It is pretty disturbing and doesn't leave you feeling happy at all and yet, I felt challenged by the film just enough to like it. I like it when Robin Williams plays dramatic roles. He always infuses a little wackiness but doesn't go overboard with it so that I end up liking him as an actor and not so much as a comic.

The Ramen Girl,
Brittany Murphy plays a dumb blonde that makes women in their twenties look like morons. I feel that her depiction of a lost soul soiled girl set back women's rights a little. What I did like about the film was all the shots of people eating Ramen noodles. I love Ramen noodles so much that I was able to get through it on that alone. Oh also there is an old Japanese man who at one point yells at her and says she has monkey brains, I thought that was a pretty sweet insult.

I need more movies to watch while I'm waiting for Lost to start.

I just dropped a class, I feel horribly guilty. ugh.

Till my birthday!!!!! Buy me things.

I saw this IN REAL LIFE just now at the grocery store.

You can tell when I'm not at school, I blog waaaay moar.

I rule.

He really couldn't be less photogenic
But I really don't care about that.

It's been a minute huh?

Things....stuff....I'm broke and my electric is getting shut off on Christmas, so if anyone wants to donate that would be good.

Padre nuestro que estás en los cielos

Santificado sea tu Nombre

Venga tu reino

Hágase tu voluntad

En la tierra como en el cielo

Danos hoy el pan de este día

y perdona nuestras deudas

como nosotros perdonamos nuestros deudores

y no nos dejes caer en al tentación

sino que líbranos del malo.

Amen.

I'm a really happy person right now even though I have a lot to do. It is cloudy and windy today and all I see is sunshine.

Going out for coffee with someone a couple hours from now. I'm a little nervous.

The breakup,
I feel more empowered and more free that I ever have in my life. I can't believe I wasted so much emotional energy on someone who manipulated me into thinking he cared. I suppose the only thing that worries me at this point is that I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like I haven't cried about it at all, save for when I was telling him off. That night I told him I never want to see/speak to him again. That He didn't deserve love because of the way he treats it, and that I hope he burns in hell, and that I don't intend on attending his funeral.(when I repeat this story I smile a whole bunch at that last one).

So yeah, I don't cry nor do I think about contacting him. I'm just completely nervous that this awesome feeling is gonna go away, or that maybe I'm tricking myself into believing I'm fine but really I'm not.

He also deleted his lj account. The one he created to keep tabs on me. He said that he cared about me when I was busy screaming at him. Well, deleting all traces of the friendship we had online demonstrates the opposite, and it feels good to know finally, that he never really cared.

That loser is going to be alone the rest of his life.

"Newly released campaign records show the mayor, as of Friday, had spent $85 million on his latest re-election campaign, and is on pace to spend between $110 million and $140 million before the election on Nov. 3."
~NY Times 10/24/09

My question is if you have that much money why do you need a job?  There are a lot of unemployed people out there that could use a job, and he goes and spends millions on buying his job.  LAME

Toledo, the heart of it all!

On the 18th I celebrate my year anniversary of moving back home. I love Toledo and I always will.

Just came back from running and breathing in the last breath of warmth Toledo has to offer.  The park has changed so much in the last week.  For some reason there were a whole heap of dead field mice in the middle of the path.  After my run, I realized how much I love feeling my body.  I was stretching by my car and I realized that feeling my body means way more to me than most people.  I love feeling my muscles like some sort of spiritual thing.  Gosh, I can't believe I went so long without dance and movement in my life.  I still wish my chosen form of expression wasn't dance but I guess I just have to get used to it, I love moving and I always will, and anyone who feels I shouldn't do it in inappropriate places can go fuck themselves, because that is just how I have to live my life, dancing in parking lots.

Finally saw some news coverage about the fire. I cried. I'm still not okay about this. I need hugs. I need someone to make me feel safe. I love my kitties and I don't want them burning up while I'm away. Time for math class. bye.

So three buildings from my apartment complex burned down tonight. I heard the firetrucks pull up. I figured somebody got hit by a drunk driver again like last week over on Garden Rd. They were the ones over in the back, I'm all the way in the front so I'm safe. I guess I need to get renters insurance now because it would just be stupid not to.

I was sleeping so I didn't get out of bed to check out what was going on. I got a phone call at 5am, it was Mahlon. He was driving back from a gig out of town and saw the flames from the highway and didn't know where I stayed at. He parked his car as close as he could. We walked around the complex and building J is on the ground. Mahlon left, and I walked back into my building.

There was a guy talking to the Red Cross, It was Ish. Ish is a drug dealer looking guy that is as Jason Holliday put it, "The best tipper Miss Cue's ever seen." He bought me a shot the other day just because he liked my shoes. Really nice generous guy. He is always dressed head to toe in Coogi. He lost everything. I'm assuming because his money may or may not be on the legal side of things. EVERYTHING was at his apartment.

I invited him in for a glass of wine. I listened to him. I invited him to stay at my place, he said no he's gonna go stay at his mother in law's. I just feel so awful I couldn't do more.

Quotes from Itmademyday.com

"Yesterday the announcer at my kid’s little league game, instead of saying that the bases were loaded, said “All your base are belong to Craig’s Hardware and Appliance.” That’s the name of my son’s team’s sponsor. IMMD."

"I called my grandma to find out how long until left-over chicken goes bad, she told me to Google it. IMMD."

"I was listening to my college radio station, and they started to play a Kanye song, but then the DJ interrupted it with, “Kanye, I’ma let you finish, but” followed by silence. IMMD.

"I was at a friend’s house and we googled another friend’s mom (safe search off) and found naked pictures! We haven’t told this friend yet, but when we do, I’m sure it’ll make my day."

FIN

P.S. Anyone wanna play hide the salami? I certainly do.

He delivered babe n me Jimmy Johns. He invited us to be friendns with his band on myspace. I friended him on facebook. which sucks because I'm dying to post this up here but I don't want him to hate me.

Fuck.

I'm pretty sure I'm gay. This explains why I've had such a hard time fucking men as of late. I'm sorry to any boys that this makes frown.

I'm not happy about this.

I've been watching a shit ton of movies on Netflix and I have some new favorite movies I'd like to share.

Rage in Placid Lake, I believe this came from New Zealand. It's a really good movie about conforming for the one you love.
Eagle Vs. Shark another romantic movie.  I'm just totally in love with the main character Jarrod.  He is played by Germain from Flight of the Conchords.
Outsourced This one really spoke to the tech support representative in me, it has a love story in it but it isn't over whelming.  Some dude has to go to India to train his replacement.  I watched it twice the week I saw it.  It just made me smile.
Harold movie about an 8th grader who is bald and acts like an old man.  I loved it.  It reminded me of Andy Blake.
Chalk this one I don't remember as well but I rated it like a 5 stars so I'm sure I loved it.  I remember it was the mockumentary style about high school teachers...oh poop! I remember now!  it was really really funny.  I felt it sort of had an amazing ambiance.
Arsenic and Old Lace Classic movie, Carey Grant, it's kind of a screwball comedy about murder and old ladies.
Les Parapluies de Cherbourg French sappy cheesey 60s love musical.  I can't explain why I liked it, it didn't even have a happy ending.  but I did like it.
Bright Young Things period piece I believe raging 20s, gossip, parties, like what the Malones would ahve been with money in the twenties.
Victor/Victoria Not recommending this for anyone but me,  there is no logical reason for me to like this movie. I just do.
Ira and Abby kind of realistic view of relationships.  This was rated a 4 stars, I enjoyed it.
YPF (young people fucking) it was just 4 vinnuiettes(sp?) of sexual situations, I found it really funny even if it was kinda dumb.
The Business of Being Born documentary about midwives has a scene in it where Ricki Lake is having a water birth.  The reason I'm including this is that After watching a bunch of gorey birth scenes and hearing about all the crimes of Doctors in labor situations I STILL want to have a baby.  Watching this made me realise my clock was ticking.  Watching this and realising that about myself has to be the worst thing that has happened to me in my adult life so far.
Lies and Alibis Steve Coogan, it's cute and silly.  I liked it.

 Up Best movie I've seen this year, it's really amazing.  I will go with anyone to see it again.  Pixar rated PG movie, I love it times amillion.  Roller coaster of emotions!

Okay so if you ask what kind of movies I'm into, try to put these into catagories.  I also like other movies I've seen before the last couple months but these are my favorites out of recently. 

f00dz

Today I cried at work after working 11 hours. I had one break that lasted the amount of time it took me to change my tampon. I cried becuase I almost ran over a guy on a bike. I also think I cired because I was worn out, and menstral. I also feel that I may not have consumed proper nutrients. List of nutrients consumed today:

1. Rock Star energy snatch

2. Sierra Mists twats

2. Hornsby’s alcoholic Ciders cunts

1 Slice of Tomato onion and Blk Olve Pizza (fur)Pie

Okay yeah so I am not healthy. Also I want to add that I miss being proud of who I am. P.S. Jason Dunstan is the biggest idiot the world has ever known, because he refutes my awesomeness. Peace out.

This one is all dance all the time, I think my best effort to date.

Pegging

http://toledo.craigslist.org/msr/1168333527.html
[edit] My craigslist ad got flagged and taken down so here's what remains of it:

This is Lazy Siouxsie. Radio will be so excited to receive his new chew toy. I'm house sitting at Cory's this week and I had to postpone the homecoming till after that.